Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Help Wanted (in finding a job)

Smart, ambitious woman, with an affinity for Polish pork products, seeks employment opportunities to finance future around-the-world trip, my writing habit (until I get famous) and next month's rent.

Have great communication skills: Fluent in English, broken Polish, and hand-gestures and facial expressions that work in every language.

Proficient in making travel arrangements, reading a map, carrying heavy loads, writing stories, taking pictures, cake tasting, cookie tasting, ice-cream tasting, wine tasting, and sleeping in rooms full of strangers. Can occasionally be fun.

If required, can also develop multi-platform, out-of-the-box, never-been-done-before integrated marketing programs for magazine advertisers. Have not developed multi-platform, out-of-the-box, never-been-done before integrated marketing programs for magazine advertisers in four months, but such talents die hard.

Newly acquired computer skills: Gmail, Facebook, Skype, Blogger. Determined that Weather.com is always wrong, but it does not matter: Eastern Europe is always cold.

Will be kind enough to refrain using the following phrases in client meetings and conference calls:

"Well, when I was in Europe and you were not…"

"Do you speak English?"

"But the Germans said…"

"What country am I in?" Wait, what day is it?"

"I have a train to catch."

"What do you mean I have to work?"

"When do we eat cake?"

Looking for freelance opportunities but will consider full-time if the need for health insurance becomes an urgent matter (broken bones, liver failure, rabies, etc.). Travel bug does not apply.

Dan, New York, NY: Boyfriend and current roommate. He does not want to financially support me and will say anything to get me a job.

Maria, Cedar Knolls, NJ: My mom, who thinks I deserve any job I want and will tell you so, but is probably worried at this very moment that I might get rabies.

Katie, Boonton, NJ: Because she would feel left out if I didn't put her on the list. And she only has nice things to say about me. I love you, Katie.


Brash Lion said...


Stanimira and Christopher said...

You're funny :) You'd think New York would be the easiest place to find an editorial or marketing job, but I'm guessing the competition is fierce. I have no doubt, however, that like a great piece of cake, an employer will gobble you up in no time!

Peter said...

"Can occasionally be fun." What do you mean? Your a "Fun Pig" now!!!
BTW, nice resume. Electronic Connectors is hiring if your interested. You would fit in perfectly:)