Fun, but not really

My Tarot card for today:

The World represents the completion of a cycle and the attainment of inner peace and contentment. It is time to celebrate all that you have accomplished and bask in your successes. You have achieved a heightened sense of self awareness and a new appreciation for your surroundings. While this card doesn't rule out discomfort in your life, it does indicate that many of your trials and tribulations will soon be overcome. Everything is finally starting to come together!

Not bad for the last day of March Madness.

There is a part of me that feels like I have come a long way. There is a part of me that feels like there is much to get done. There is a part of me that feels like "everything IS finally starting to come together" but is kind of a boring, everyday life kind of way. And then there is a part of me that just wants to eat a cookie.

Last Friday at work, I started to get really stressed out at work. I left feeling grumpy and emotional. I met up with Dan and his friends to go see a movie called Chapter 27, which is directed and written by one of Dan's friends. After the movie, everyone was going to go out and celebrate and I bailed and went home. There were a few things. I was tired. My feet hurt. My bag weighed 80 pounds. I couldn't drink anyway. Most mostly, the work stress still weighed heavily and I was just feeling anti-social and didn't want to deal with anything. This is the Yvonne of the old, pre-trip days. The un-fun pig. Although I was so relieved to leave and go home and sink into my bed, I felt bad that the old Yvonne was back.

Luckily, it was temporary. It had to be. This weekend was jammed packed with social flurry from Liz's engagement party to brunch with Stacy and Mike to dinner with the Jackson's. By the time I got home Sunday night I realized that I had maybe an hour for myself this entire weekend which I spent exercising. By the time Monday rolled around, I was ready for a new weekend to start. Work wasn't so bad today, and I came home and got a big check in the mail and then I remembered why I work.

In the midst of the social flurry, I am happy to announce that I have a new member in my family. My niece Tiffany and her husband Greg welcomed a baby girl, Audrey Victoria on Friday. Little Dillon, Tiffany's son, fell in love instantly. I am sure I will, too. I can't wait to meet her.



Love at first sight.

The pants fit.

Do I look skinnier sideways?

I definitely lost an ounce. This morning, feeling very sorry for myself because I had nothing to wear AGAIN, in desperation, I pulled out a pair of pants that I bought pre-trip that no longer fit post-trip. I slipped them on and they fit perfectly. FINALLY! VALIDATION that giving up my true love (cookies, cakes and ice cream) has some rewards. Something to wear! I keep checking myself out in the mirror thinking I look all cool in my "new" pants.

Cake person.

Okay, so they're not Buttercup. But I was dying to bake something, anything--and so I decided to make these very healthy, no sugar added pear bran muffins from the Bob Greene Best Life Diet book. They're alright, but let's just say, after eating one, I am not itching for another one. Might as well, they have a lot of fiber and eating too many might lead to an unpleasant experience.

I have been aching to bake, so I watch Everyday Baking to make me feel better, and I dream about the day when I am making some of these:



I do know how to torture myself.

I emailed my friend Kristina, one of the Germans. She is now in Krakow for the semester, studying and living in Poland. It seems really far away right now. It's kind of crazy to think that it's nearly been three and a half months--the length of my trip--that I have been back. And how quickly the trip has slipped away to real life.

Kristina wrote me: "To say the truth I cannot imagine you sitting at a desk in a marketing company...for me you have your tennis shoes, your backpack, maybe the camera in your hand, and a cake in front of you."

What happened to that person?

March Crummy-ness

FUN: My old high-school friend Chris came to visit me this weekend.
NOT FUN: Chris brings me a bag of Easter-themed cookies. Her mom makes the most delicious cookies that everyone in my childhood would go crazy over--especially me. I haven't had one in years. It was so nice that she thought to bring some, but I couldn't eat one or I wouldn't be able to eat any desserts at my mom's house at Easter. That bummed me out--big time. (Dan ate one and claimed they weren't that good. He knows nothing. Then he ate another.)

FUN: Chris and I dine at the the festive Beyoglu restaurant where we ate very yummy Mediterrean food.
NOT FUN: ...which would have tasted much more yummier with a glass of wine.

FUN: Dan and I went to NJ on Saturday where my mom made freshly baked brownies (the best!) and had ice cream on hand.
NOT FUN: I watched Dan eat it while I cried on the inside.

FUN: Easter brunch with the family. After eating Polish Ham galore, I finally ate my brownie and ice cream treat of the week and man, it was excellent.
NOT FUN: I wanted another one, but instead watched Dan take seconds, third, fourths...until he experienced shoulder pain.

FUN: Yesterday at work we had a going-away party for a co-worker.
NOT FUN: Buttercup cupcakes. Are these people trying to kill me?

No, I don't spend every minute of my day thinking about food, but this week-end was particularly hard. If it makes anything better, I am number one in both of Basketball March Madness pools.

Last week of March--gotta finish strong!


Me and Chris at the Natural History Museum.


Easter brunch: Lots of Polish Ham.


I'm pooped.

Arts and crafts

I did something completely insane at work today.

I went and bought dolls online. Not one. Multiple. For myself. And get this: they are not even put together. I bought doll parts.

I innocently checked up on my new BFF Alicia's blog and saw that she was selling these adorable clothespin dolls that she made and also kits on how to make them yourself. Suddenly I felt compelled to have them. And if I must have them, why shouldn't I make them? So with my brain screaming simultaneously: "Get the dolls!" and "WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?"--I shhhed my overactive brain and bought these things, my heart racing as if I were purchasing a high-priced prostitute. I have the intention to be crafty and make dolls. I have no idea what I will do with them. Perhaps I will give them to people I like who...like dolls. Any volunteers?

But don't they make you happy just looking at them?

Speaking of craftsmanship, while there was not one peep of my mentioning Elizabeth's nest (hello, are there any commenters out there?) apparently this tale has caused a great deal of excitement and activity at the former workplace, including an art sculpture inspired by the nesting bathroom activities.

Created by the apparently crafty Michael Small (who knew?), my former boss and Hollywood film composer (who knew again?), the piece is all about (in his words): “Girl finding comfort in a womb-like nest, escaping from her fears, and realizing that she is supported and protected in her cocoon on a spring day at noon.” Either that or “Small plastic figurine on a pile of toilet paper.”

Like all art, it's open to interpretation. My friend Amanda (weather guru? and religious poet?) thinks it should be called "Sensitivity Training in a Nest." Feel free to share your thoughts.

It's over.

Duane Reade is like an abusive boyfriend that I keep going back to.

I keep thinking that this time it's different. This time he's changed, but you know what? He never does. It's the same old bullshit.

I already vowed never to go back, but then we move to the new hood and there is one right across the street. Like I can see Duane when I look outside my window. And he speaks to me: "ah, aren't i convenient."

And so I went back slowly. Popping in to buy some candy (in the old days). Or a package of cookies (again, in the old days). Accompanied Dan to purchase tooth paste (he refuses to use my Crest because he says it tastes horrible, which it does, but I refuse to throw it away and be wasteful.)

And so when I asked my doctor friend to call in a prescription for me because I am still working out my health insurance and can't plunk the change to go to the doctor, I reluctantly gave her the number for Duane.

I went in Sunday to pick it up. Pharmacy closed already and the place isn't even 24 hours. Convenient it is not. So I went again today and they told me my doctor did not call it in. Which is a complete lie. And then they gave me their phone number--which is the same number I had.

So that's when I decided. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

I am through with you, Duane Reade! And I am not eating candy and cookies anymore so you're completely worthless to me. Go shove it with your horrible pharmacy and your constant long-ass check out line no matter what time of day it is. I'm done.

Weekend highlights.

1. Chocolate ice cream with brownie and chocolate chunks on a sugar cone. So good. So deserved.

2. Taxes complete. Refund a'comin'.

3. Paycheck in the mail.

4. Brunch with Hila=inspiration to get my ass in gear. We talked about adding creativity into our lives and after our meal, I found myself sitting at my dining room table with a sketch pad and my drawing pencils doodling away.

5. Four miles in Central Park. I'm getting stronger.

6. Stinky Dan. Sick people apparently do not shower.

7. Clean Dan. Tylenol Cold Severe and some running water later....and much better!