Some days are better than others.

[Via Rifle Designs]

I know, I know. I have been MIA for a while.

Last week, I spent a few days in New Jersey celebrating Mother's Day and wedding dress shopping. And then I came home and got a bout of the unemployment blues. As much as I dislike working, I also dislike not working. A year ago, I was hearing about jobs--permanent and freelance--all the time. Now, all I hear is silence. I know it's not me because many people I know are experiencing the same thing.

I have done my best to remain optimistic and to take advantage of my free time as I said I would, but I admit that I have had bouts of inactivity and feeling sorry for myself, which I don't like to write about--in particular, last week, hence the lack of writing.

Like it or not, I am a person who has always defined myself by my work. And when I am not working, I feel like a huge loser. (Though if I had a trust fund or won the lottery, I could get over being a loser). I daydream that I could be using this time to travel to a cheap, far-off destination but in this recession, I don't want to take my chances with the savings I have got.

So I am going to try to get a summer job. Something semi-permanent that will keep me occupied and put some cash in my pocket, like working in a bakery or temping or something. I have applied to some places already but so far nothing. It's only been a few days so we'll see.

Pounding the pavement renewed my spirits a little bit and gave me the momentum and enthusiasm to keep moving on. I am still diligently networking and job hunting for my real job, almost every day. I have been telling myself (and I know this sounds totally dumb) but maybe there is a reason why I am not finding work right now and that's because I am finally given the time to write like I have always wanted to. I have been writing on and off the last few weeks. On Sunday, I couldn't sleep until 4 in the morning because the ideas kept popping in my head and I had to get up to write them down. I decoded my scribbles during the day and then Monday night I was exhausted yet I felt the same thing happening to me again. (Luckily I fell asleep much earlier). I am excited about this influx of inspiration and yet I am afraid of jinxing it and so I don't to talk about it anymore.

Dan's been in a bit of a funk lately, too, (we're just a happy pair, aren't we?) but that all went away this week when he found out that his favorite band Cracker is playing a show in New York soon. He said that everything is better now that Cracker is coming to town. I wish I had a Cracker. Or a job. Or a book deal. Or a trust fund.