It didn't work out...or maybe it did.

With much excitement and relief, I am happy to announce that after three months, I am leaving the newsroom. This is my last week at the broadcast news job. It seems like the economy is picking up (knock on wood) and I am going back to magazine freelancing.

This job saved me during a time when my financial situation was bleak. So why leave already? I have to say that after day one I knew that this job was not the right match for me. I tried to give it a chance but as time went on, my experiences only confirmed my feelings and I would look at the people who were "above me"--the show producers and editors and anchors--and while they obviously had an admirable skill and profession, none of it appealed to me at all. When I told people where I worked, they would say, "That sounds amazing" or "Wow!" I kept waiting for that spark, that enthusiasm--even when I got to do something considered "cool"--but nothing flickered inside of me.

Working in breaking news requires a kind of competitiveness, a tenacity and a feeling of entitlement to get the facts that I just don't possess. I do like writing, and I do like stories so I haven't given up on journalism completely. I'm more suited for feature writing. I would rather delve into subjects more deeply and write about things that sincerely interested me, rather than write about what just happened that day and try to be the first to get the story out.

Meanwhile there is a kid who I worked with, same lowly position as me, who absolutely loved our job. While I used to wait until a minute before my shift started to arrive at work, he would come in hours before just to hang out. Seriously. If you questioned him why, he'd say things like, "I have nothing else to do." I watched him eager to do anything that was asked of him, oblivious to the fact if it was menial, going above and beyond every time, trying at every chance to pitch ideas, get himself out there and be noticed and create opportunities for himself. All of this was done with the utmost sincerity. He had told me more than once that we have the coolest job. Even though I obviously did not share his passion, I admired it and couldn't help but root for him.

Watching him for the past three months put things into perspective for me. One, I sure don't feel that way about broadcast journalism. Two, I desperately want to feel that way about something, too. I imagine it's the greatest feeling in the world.