I have been out of touch.
It's my crazy work schedule. Some days I am up at 5 am, some days, I working until midnight. Sometimes I work weekends, sometimes I work holidays. Then I sometimes I have days off, but I usually spend my days off catching up on sleep while everyone else is working. My job is not particularly hard or demanding, but I am having a very hard time with this schedule. I am a person who demands 8 hours of sleep and three meals a day. That is just something I know about myself. When I am thrown off-kilter, I don't function as well. Last week, I thinking to myself: "what day is it?" I convinced myself it was Monday. It HAD to be Monday. It was Friday. I have been out of touch.
This carries onto the rest of my life. I haven't spoken to my family in a long time. My mom emailed me the other day, I had no idea what she was talking about. Mom had the flu? My stepfather is having some kind of surgery? I spent my day off today writing Christmas cards and was reminded of all the people I care about but haven't talked to in months.
Speaking of Christmas, I haven't even given one quota of thought to presents. I know this may sound normal for most people, but I am the type of person who is very organized and just knows these things well in advance. Christmas seems so off the radar because I am unsure if this year I am going to be home with my family or if I am going to work. Do I have to get presents? Can I afford to buy presents? Will there be a Cookie Bonanza this year? I desperately want the answers to be yes, yes and HELL YES....but instead my mind is focused on the fact that tomorrow on Wednesday I have the 2p-10p shift and then on Thursday I have the 6a-2p shift and that leaves me with less than 8 hours of sleep between those two days and that freakin' stresses me out.
And then food. I can't somehow juggle grocery shopping anymore and most of the days, I work through dinner and so I haven't been cooking anything too inspired. We've gotten more take out than I care to eat, and while I like Whole Foods, I am getting very sick of pre-packaged sushi and the Indian buffet bar I get while I am at work.
I am not particularly happy with my state of mind or affairs.
I keep telling myself that it will all get better in 2010 and that's like three weeks away. Because 2009 is obviously jinxed. One of the worst years ever...I, and 10% of the country, was unemployed for most of the year, I was depressed because of unemployment, it was the worst summer weather of all time, and now this. I saw the cover of Time magazine recently, naming the '00s as "the decade from hell." A little extreme, I think, but it kind of made me realize how nice the 90s really were....
I am ready for a new year, a new decade, a new mindset, a new life.