Saturday, October 25, 2008

The art of being busy and doing nothing.

I had my first wedding dream last night. My mom and I were looking at reception places and we couldn't find our way around town. We kept getting lost.

I have been doing some wedding research. Real casual. Like just flipping through magazines and reading over web sites at work and asking people for advice. Taking in what I think is pretty and getting some inspiration but not really thinking much past that. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and have to stop.

I have to do event planning as part of my job and it's by far, my least favorite thing to do. I think it's because I don't really like parties and to be in charge of a party when you don't like parties is an awkward situation. I know a wedding is different because this party has a deeper meaning (hello, marriage! to the one I love! with all the people I care about) and I can do whatever I want. My friend Jacey sent me her wedding planning chart and while I was impressed by her unworldly organizational skills, it kind of sunk in, "This is going to be a lot of work."

Which is fine. Totally expected. Will be fun. This is not a pity party.

I have just become such a slacker lately. Have you noticed that I have not really blogged lately? Or what about the fact that I should be doing some yoga or exercise right now but instead I am avoiding it by writing this post? Or how I have made a list of aspirations of things I want to focus on in the next month, yet I find myself playing Super Mario Brothers 3 or Oprah re-runs or going out with friends? While I get my work done at my job, I have to muster every bit of energy and effort inside of me just to sit down and do it. My weeknights have been super busy with social outings and while I have fun, I wonder if they are just another level of procrastination, a distraction from what I really should be doing. I am trying to avoid making plans and yet things crop up on my calendar each week. I like spending time with friends, but I long for some me time.

Dan has been spending his weekends campaigning for Obama in Pennsylvania. With the place to myself, this weekend was supposed to be the start of productive me, but instead I have done nothing except sleep late, watch TV, listen to music and wash the dishes in my sink.

To think that I will embark on the very task-oriented mission of planning a wedding seems crazy when I already feel like I have no time to do everything that I want to do, especially because I have no motivation to do what I want to do.

But then I wonder, maybe this weekend is just what I need. Time to sit around and do nothing, because eventually I will get bored enough to do something worthwhile.

I am already bored with this post.

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